In May 2007, Biju Kappmeyer, one of the newly minted executives of PGPX Corporation, paused, hand over keyboard, while giving final shape to yet another one of his humungous blogs, even as he was getting ready for the third month of his already overloaded course schedule. Kappemeyer’s hesitation was not a sign of timidness about the massive stress that he was undertaking these days. In fact he had already signed up to spent upwards of 1 million Rupees last year to modernize his faculties, thereby committing to write off one full of year his life to obtain management education at one of the region’s premier management institutes. Rather, Kappmeyer paused only because he knew that PGPX was probably going to be the one last such opportunity of his life, to perform such no holds barred continuous wasting of time. Once PGPX was over, debt clearing economics would force Kappmeyer to do some heavy lifting in the corporate world for several years, before he will be able to roam free again. Given the relatively rapid pace in which time was flying these days, Kappmeyer wanted to convince himself one more time that his stone-bold continuous time wasting commitment at PGPX corporation would in fact assure him of a strong sense of accomplishment in the hotly contested education market for flat, steam rolled management graduates.
BK-ground
Born somewhere in the middle of nowhere during the tumultuous 1970s, Kappameyer or BK as he wanted his friends to call him, spent his early adulthood days building technological solutions for various North American corporations. But upon entering his middle ages, he was lured back into his home town by a flat world, only to be flattened further by a serious swell in the business development of outsourced IT projects that forced him into ‘management’ responsibilities of getting irrelevant work done using clueless people, not to mention at menial salaries. BK responded to this quagmire by coming up with a disruptive strategy of going back to school, hoping to rejoin the rat race later on, as a stud. Little did he know what the D in Disruptive stood for. And now he knows the D-key.
As he was grappling with the current dry state that he was finding himself in, BK realized that some of the recent developments that were happening in the market place were indeed much more disruptive than he ever dreamt of. Things were starting to get topsy-turvy as the hours spent sleeping in the room was reducing and that in the class room was increasing exponentially. With each passing day, the number of pages that had to be read in preparation for the classes was skyrocketing and his market share in the total knowledge space that was up for grabs was dwindling.
Feeling powerless at the onslaught, BK started pondering over the various alternative strategies that were available at his disposal. Should he spend more time with his syndicate group, so that he can free-ride and smooch off their knowledge? Are the relevant costs in procuring black books greater than the money value of time saved, amortized over the period of one year? Should he cut down on all the pushing, pulling and pressing activities that he was currently undertaking and consider wrestling with 200 pound books as the only work out that he needs? Is there an alternative technology available to deliver intravenous caffeine drips to keep oneself awake when classes were going on? Confused as he was, he knew there had to be a better way, other than the highway to ‘busy’ness excellence that he was currently on.
Despite all his concerns and the various alternative approaches that were staring at him in the face, BK also felt that what he really decided to do will have only very less impact on the eventual results that he would end up with. He reflected, “I am here only for the learning and nothing else is important. One can only do so much reading in so little time and for the last half hour I have been strategizing my brains out. Let me unwind by playing some TT on my way to the gym.”
While BK was pondering over his sorry plight and proceeding with his continuous wasting strategies, the glorious uncertainties of business education was plotting his imminent downfall. In a remote corner, not far away from where he was sitting, surprise quizzes were being prepared to test the very learning that BK was claiming that he was here for. And needless to say, they were strong enough to render him insensible, before sending a heart-stopping current through his torso to knock him out cold; with the slicing and dicing not very far behind.
Saturday, May 26, 2007
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Zach!!! What the hell is wrong with you bloody?? Sorry buddy…
This was one hell of a week, with all the windmill erection problems in our operations management case study, and the ill-fitted cockpit problems in the Boeing assembly line and all that. Believe me, people at our age should not be facing such vexing problems. As our Strategic Human Resources Management Prof is wont to say, we have more than 600 years of combined experience in our class and most of us have done similar things before, without any problems whatsoever and that too, on countless number of occasions. But still, when it mattered the most we were just not able to stand up and be counted. What can I say? Performance anxiety may be.
We went long and deep looking for causes, but things didn’t become clearer till we got our Management Communication assignment graded. And it was no coincidence that most of us scored much lower than what we expected. The writing was on the wall. We all desperately needed to get some hands-on training to improve our abilities in the area of management communications.
I had earlier itself earmarked this as a very important focus area for my life as a future senior manager and I decided to put some serious remedial work into this over the week-end. As I could see, the only way to lift up my sagging spirits was to rewrite my assignment all over again. To put things in context, here is what I had to do:
http://www.businesscommunication.org/publications/bcq/cases/Rocky_Mountain.pdf
And here is how I am going to prove my business communication and persuasion skills to persuade Zach on blog, about the benefits of exercising so that he won’t close the company fitness center down.
Even if you are a little weak in the heart, you are advised to skip this sample of pure unadulterated persuasion power at work. Don’t say that I didn’t warn you. Anyways, here it is:
Hey Zach,
What’s shaking big guy?
I am shooting this mail as I just couldn’t believe my ears when I heard all the hare-brain ideas that you are throwing up these days. What the hell is wrong with you buddy? Have you gone bonkers??? Out of your mind??? Then??? I know you may be VP, operations and all that, but looks to me like you are just mucking things up over there.
People may think that you are all likeable, smart, creative, and all that, but closing down a fitness center in the name of profits? That is just plain ridiculous dude, not to mention downright menial and petty. Have you ever heard of the WOW best practice of Operations Management– “Don’t fix it, if it ain’t broken; just say your WOWs and move on.” Come on, think about it. How hard can that be?
What do you mean, you find exercise a bore and a waste of time? I think you are just plain lazy to get off your over-sized posterior (technical language used to preserve official memo flavor) and trying to pass it off as routine 18-hour work days. You need to get a life my friend and I am telling you, you ain’t getting any slimmer either. When was the last time you stood up on a weighing machine? I mean, without using any props?
Before you get all worked up and shoot the messenger, let me tell you that you are getting me all wrong here. Now if you let me, I do have some persuasive arguments that will convince you of the kind of dubious brain waves that you are trying to sell off here as operational improvement initiatives. I know you have a fetish for numbers and stuff and that is precisely why I thought I will hit you up with some good ones. Here, take a load of this!!!
In a controlled study conducted by me personally, I could find that the 10 percent of our employees who used our company gym three times a week or more were exercising at least 50% more than the 25 percent of those who used the gym only twice a week. See…, are you happy now? Do you see what I am talking about? Seriously man, I am not making all this up. Why would I even do something like that? Let me tell you, the statistical evidence on this case is pretty compelling.
And I haven’t even started yet. There are numerous scientific research references published on the web, that I want to run by you; like this surgeon general’s warning about the risks of not getting enough exercise.
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28382
What do you make of that, big fellow? Aren’t things starting to get a little clearer?
And don’t even get me started on absenteeism and sick days and stuff like that. For starters, will you believe me if I said that among the employees who visit our fitness center regularly, the number of sick days has dropped by 5 percent and absenteeism by more than 50% percent. Sweeeet, don’t you think? But to be fair, this is also because, some of our ‘sick’ guys, who earlier used to shirk work regularly, have now started showing up at the gym regularly, to do some old fashioned ogling, if you know what I mean. But then again how can you blame them? Have you checked out the gym lately?
Anyways, let me rest my case by re-iterating that I don’t want to hear any of your silly arguments anymore. I say, get your sorry ‘posterior’ over to the gym at the earliest and I will show you what I am talking about.
Adios,
Joe Mirola.
We went long and deep looking for causes, but things didn’t become clearer till we got our Management Communication assignment graded. And it was no coincidence that most of us scored much lower than what we expected. The writing was on the wall. We all desperately needed to get some hands-on training to improve our abilities in the area of management communications.
I had earlier itself earmarked this as a very important focus area for my life as a future senior manager and I decided to put some serious remedial work into this over the week-end. As I could see, the only way to lift up my sagging spirits was to rewrite my assignment all over again. To put things in context, here is what I had to do:
http://www.businesscommunication.org/publications/bcq/cases/Rocky_Mountain.pdf
And here is how I am going to prove my business communication and persuasion skills to persuade Zach on blog, about the benefits of exercising so that he won’t close the company fitness center down.
Even if you are a little weak in the heart, you are advised to skip this sample of pure unadulterated persuasion power at work. Don’t say that I didn’t warn you. Anyways, here it is:
Hey Zach,
What’s shaking big guy?
I am shooting this mail as I just couldn’t believe my ears when I heard all the hare-brain ideas that you are throwing up these days. What the hell is wrong with you buddy? Have you gone bonkers??? Out of your mind??? Then??? I know you may be VP, operations and all that, but looks to me like you are just mucking things up over there.
People may think that you are all likeable, smart, creative, and all that, but closing down a fitness center in the name of profits? That is just plain ridiculous dude, not to mention downright menial and petty. Have you ever heard of the WOW best practice of Operations Management– “Don’t fix it, if it ain’t broken; just say your WOWs and move on.” Come on, think about it. How hard can that be?
What do you mean, you find exercise a bore and a waste of time? I think you are just plain lazy to get off your over-sized posterior (technical language used to preserve official memo flavor) and trying to pass it off as routine 18-hour work days. You need to get a life my friend and I am telling you, you ain’t getting any slimmer either. When was the last time you stood up on a weighing machine? I mean, without using any props?
Before you get all worked up and shoot the messenger, let me tell you that you are getting me all wrong here. Now if you let me, I do have some persuasive arguments that will convince you of the kind of dubious brain waves that you are trying to sell off here as operational improvement initiatives. I know you have a fetish for numbers and stuff and that is precisely why I thought I will hit you up with some good ones. Here, take a load of this!!!
In a controlled study conducted by me personally, I could find that the 10 percent of our employees who used our company gym three times a week or more were exercising at least 50% more than the 25 percent of those who used the gym only twice a week. See…, are you happy now? Do you see what I am talking about? Seriously man, I am not making all this up. Why would I even do something like that? Let me tell you, the statistical evidence on this case is pretty compelling.
And I haven’t even started yet. There are numerous scientific research references published on the web, that I want to run by you; like this surgeon general’s warning about the risks of not getting enough exercise.
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28382
What do you make of that, big fellow? Aren’t things starting to get a little clearer?
And don’t even get me started on absenteeism and sick days and stuff like that. For starters, will you believe me if I said that among the employees who visit our fitness center regularly, the number of sick days has dropped by 5 percent and absenteeism by more than 50% percent. Sweeeet, don’t you think? But to be fair, this is also because, some of our ‘sick’ guys, who earlier used to shirk work regularly, have now started showing up at the gym regularly, to do some old fashioned ogling, if you know what I mean. But then again how can you blame them? Have you checked out the gym lately?
Anyways, let me rest my case by re-iterating that I don’t want to hear any of your silly arguments anymore. I say, get your sorry ‘posterior’ over to the gym at the earliest and I will show you what I am talking about.
Adios,
Joe Mirola.
Saturday, May 12, 2007
Lost graduate in dizziness management!!!
One month into my journey, I am already finding myself as a Lost Graduate in Dizziness Management. I am also clearly seeing that the famed IIMA rigor has steam rolled almost every one of us - except Roopam, who ‘can’t feel the pressure’ as per his own admission. Since the time that I have been here, there are very less things that I haven’t studied. But ironically, there are even fewer things that I have learned. Still, being the trooper that I am, I thought I will share my learnings for the benefit of my friends who all are looking at end term exams pretty soon. My learnings have been categorized under individual subject names for easy and quick reference.
Management Communication – Our management communications course taught us that communication is like sex. The analogy was taken even further, by noting that one doesn’t need any training to engage in either one of them. But in the same breath we were reminded that in order to fully enjoy both and get the results that you want, you are better off getting yourself proper training. What better way to ensconce the importance of communications training in the life of a manager. I immediately came on board.
BS (Biju Script) –On a side note, my heart goes out to all my single friends who have been dealt a rough hand, in their attempt to improve their communication skills. Also now it all makes sense why Bill Clinton used to insist that oral communication is no communication at all.
Modeling for Decisions – When you are not able to make much progress in modeling, here is a tip that is sure to work wonders - pull down the lungi and lift up the shirting. Believe me, it really works like a charm.
BS – This learning applies mainly to the Linear programming case study on optimizing the production levels of Lungis and shirting of Panchathantra Corporation, so as to maximize its profits. We are more than a month into our course but not even a single day has passed without discussing the nitty-gritty of Lungi production. As a regular user of Lungi, I can’t even begin to tell you the kind of pressure this is putting on me, as I am slowly acquiring the sub-brand of a Lungi man among my class mates.
Coming back to the lungi-shirting production improvement suggestion, I will have to tell you that once we implemented it, we could really see the company’s earnings shoot up. A lot of Malluwood models have also reported a similar surge in their earnings, using this very same approach, making this a definite one for the ages.
Financial Reporting & Analysis – When it comes to accounting, putting two and two together will no longer restrict you to just four. Instead you will be able to get, whatever it is that you want to get. Sadly, this is not applicable when you are doing accounting quizzes, where you wake up to the painful realization that numbers do start with zero and other numbers in the vicinity are much farther than they appear.
Strategic Cost Management – There is a cost that you will have to pay for accumulated self-deprecation. You will never be able to write it off fully as an expense and it will continue to haunt you as an ongoing liability. Newbie bloggers, please take note. And people with the name Ramesh, better think twice before applying to IIMA, because there is a costing case called ‘Ramesh and You’, which is so out there that you will have to hear even close friends swearing at your name, within no time.
Analysis of Data – Data can be mostly classified into three main categories: Lies, damn lies and statistics. And the last category can help you create even better sounding lies using mathematical techniques like regression, correlation, abnormal distribution, hypothesis testing etc. All in all a fun subject that will leave you with some mean tendencies to reevaluate your existence on this planet.
Assessing and Creating Customer Value – Customers rarely know what they want. So as good marketers it is our responsibility to make sure that you make them pay for their ignorance, with money that they may not have, to buy things that they will not need. And to help you do that, please feel free to feign friendliness and talk to them to get to know them better. Just watch out for oncoming cows, that is all.
http://biju-blog.blogspot.com/2007/04/marketing-survey-and-holy-cow.html
Firms and Markets – If some of your privately held assets are not showing the kind of growth that you would like them to, immediately start looking out for a limited liability partnership that can help you explore inherent economies of scale. Ok, if you think that this is a patently risky approach to enjoy the simple pleasures of life, you haven’t heard about a gentleman by the name Nash and the games that he has played, all in the name of attaining equilibrium.
Organizational Behavior – Enough said.
http://biju-blog.blogspot.com/2007/04/this-ob-is-making-me-stink.html
Designing Operations to Meet Demand – Japanese guys may never be fully satisfied with their productivity, even when they are assembling laptops at a rate faster than MS windows can boot up. That is when you as a self-righteous Indian have to step up to the plate and deliver the bad news that they have to lay off work and get a life. In operations management parlance, the technical approach for doing this consists of looking in their general direction and saying ‘Wow’. This is surprsingly effective in shocking them into embarrassment, even to the extent of causing them to quickly abandon their workstations and run for a much needed bathroom break. But your do-good satisfaction will be short lived when you get the Kaizen shock of your life on seeing some of them return with laptops that they managed to assemble on their laps, while they were just sitting there, engaged in an otherwise unproductive pursuit.
Obviously, these are all way too much learning within a short span of a month. No wonder I am getting all dizzy in a tizzy....
Management Communication – Our management communications course taught us that communication is like sex. The analogy was taken even further, by noting that one doesn’t need any training to engage in either one of them. But in the same breath we were reminded that in order to fully enjoy both and get the results that you want, you are better off getting yourself proper training. What better way to ensconce the importance of communications training in the life of a manager. I immediately came on board.
BS (Biju Script) –On a side note, my heart goes out to all my single friends who have been dealt a rough hand, in their attempt to improve their communication skills. Also now it all makes sense why Bill Clinton used to insist that oral communication is no communication at all.
Modeling for Decisions – When you are not able to make much progress in modeling, here is a tip that is sure to work wonders - pull down the lungi and lift up the shirting. Believe me, it really works like a charm.
BS – This learning applies mainly to the Linear programming case study on optimizing the production levels of Lungis and shirting of Panchathantra Corporation, so as to maximize its profits. We are more than a month into our course but not even a single day has passed without discussing the nitty-gritty of Lungi production. As a regular user of Lungi, I can’t even begin to tell you the kind of pressure this is putting on me, as I am slowly acquiring the sub-brand of a Lungi man among my class mates.
Coming back to the lungi-shirting production improvement suggestion, I will have to tell you that once we implemented it, we could really see the company’s earnings shoot up. A lot of Malluwood models have also reported a similar surge in their earnings, using this very same approach, making this a definite one for the ages.
Financial Reporting & Analysis – When it comes to accounting, putting two and two together will no longer restrict you to just four. Instead you will be able to get, whatever it is that you want to get. Sadly, this is not applicable when you are doing accounting quizzes, where you wake up to the painful realization that numbers do start with zero and other numbers in the vicinity are much farther than they appear.
Strategic Cost Management – There is a cost that you will have to pay for accumulated self-deprecation. You will never be able to write it off fully as an expense and it will continue to haunt you as an ongoing liability. Newbie bloggers, please take note. And people with the name Ramesh, better think twice before applying to IIMA, because there is a costing case called ‘Ramesh and You’, which is so out there that you will have to hear even close friends swearing at your name, within no time.
Analysis of Data – Data can be mostly classified into three main categories: Lies, damn lies and statistics. And the last category can help you create even better sounding lies using mathematical techniques like regression, correlation, abnormal distribution, hypothesis testing etc. All in all a fun subject that will leave you with some mean tendencies to reevaluate your existence on this planet.
Assessing and Creating Customer Value – Customers rarely know what they want. So as good marketers it is our responsibility to make sure that you make them pay for their ignorance, with money that they may not have, to buy things that they will not need. And to help you do that, please feel free to feign friendliness and talk to them to get to know them better. Just watch out for oncoming cows, that is all.
http://biju-blog.blogspot.com/2007/04/marketing-survey-and-holy-cow.html
Firms and Markets – If some of your privately held assets are not showing the kind of growth that you would like them to, immediately start looking out for a limited liability partnership that can help you explore inherent economies of scale. Ok, if you think that this is a patently risky approach to enjoy the simple pleasures of life, you haven’t heard about a gentleman by the name Nash and the games that he has played, all in the name of attaining equilibrium.
Organizational Behavior – Enough said.
http://biju-blog.blogspot.com/2007/04/this-ob-is-making-me-stink.html
Designing Operations to Meet Demand – Japanese guys may never be fully satisfied with their productivity, even when they are assembling laptops at a rate faster than MS windows can boot up. That is when you as a self-righteous Indian have to step up to the plate and deliver the bad news that they have to lay off work and get a life. In operations management parlance, the technical approach for doing this consists of looking in their general direction and saying ‘Wow’. This is surprsingly effective in shocking them into embarrassment, even to the extent of causing them to quickly abandon their workstations and run for a much needed bathroom break. But your do-good satisfaction will be short lived when you get the Kaizen shock of your life on seeing some of them return with laptops that they managed to assemble on their laps, while they were just sitting there, engaged in an otherwise unproductive pursuit.
Obviously, these are all way too much learning within a short span of a month. No wonder I am getting all dizzy in a tizzy....
Thursday, May 10, 2007
PGPX student to work on your Breakfast!!!
PGPX student Biju Nair with Burger King marketing director Frank RizoPhoto: Sol Rosenberg
The "News Article" and Photograph in this post was "created" by my Dear friend, Brian Jones, working from his journalistic hood in Southern California. Thanks Brian for supporting the PGPX community by creating fake news and photos about us...
PGPX Standout Weighs Potential Job Offer on the BK Breakfast Line.
May 9, 2007, Ventura, California
Tears of joy filled the eyes of Biju Nair, the most celebrated PGPX student in the institute's 40+ years. And Nair owes it all to Burger King and an empty stomach.
What started as a routine school exercise on branding has led to a potential career move for Nair where he will further the development of their legendary French Toast Sticks.
It all began when Nair was asked by his professor to select a bleeding-edge, successful brand to research. Nair was actually blindsided by the question as he was hungry and caught reminiscing of his days in the states where he fancied BK French Toast Sticks. His trance was rudely interrupted again by the profs repeat of the question. "Ahhh Burger King," he mumbled as he snapped back to reality. And so it was. The next few days would be spent on the phone grilling (excuse the pun) the Burger King marketing department with tough questions that even they had trouble answering. What did transpire however was the formation of a new, exciting friendship and partnership in which Nair was offered a seven-figure salary to improve an already great product - one that he relished, and had a soft spot for in his heart.
But the offer hasn't been accepted by Nair just yet. In a wacky twist, the Marketing Director of Chili's Bar and Grill had been dining in a Burger King restaurant and overheard the speaker-phone conversations between BK management and Nair. Once realizing Nair was from PGPX, he quickly contacted Nair and offered him a similar salary to perfect their popular Chips & Salsa and Mango Margarita recipes.
Saturday, May 5, 2007
GodSpeed!!!
This week-end is turning to be a tear-jerker in more ways than one. I just returned from the hospital after visiting Sumatra, Akash and Vikram, who are currently bed ridden after they had met with a late night car accident yesterday. It all started with the two back to back quizzes on Friday afternoon and things just went downhill from there. To recover from the academic mauling, a bunch of us looked towards friendly neighborhood spiderman-3, but most of them ended up disappointed with the movie. To make matters worse, one of the cars they were traveling, while returning, got side-rammed and that is how the week-end started for many of us at the hospital.
Looks like a couple of them are going to spend the week-end at the hospital and we are forming crack teams to spend time with them and help them tide over this crisis so that we can all move back to handling our academic crisis situation, which by the way is getting worse by the day.
Personally, I am also fighting a debilitating tooth ache and ‘eagerly’ looking forward to my dentist appointment on Monday evening. That doesn’t happen very often and is a good measure of how bad things are getting over here @ PGPXLand.
All in all, a fun week-end and things can only get better from here on. I hope…
Good luck to Baby Sumantra, Chopra Saab and Akash for getting back on the road real quick. Wish the same to the rest of us also, who in spite of staying on the road are getting lost and weaving in and out of traffic, with the oncoming headlights getting brighter by the minute. Godspeed!!!
Looks like a couple of them are going to spend the week-end at the hospital and we are forming crack teams to spend time with them and help them tide over this crisis so that we can all move back to handling our academic crisis situation, which by the way is getting worse by the day.
Personally, I am also fighting a debilitating tooth ache and ‘eagerly’ looking forward to my dentist appointment on Monday evening. That doesn’t happen very often and is a good measure of how bad things are getting over here @ PGPXLand.
All in all, a fun week-end and things can only get better from here on. I hope…
Good luck to Baby Sumantra, Chopra Saab and Akash for getting back on the road real quick. Wish the same to the rest of us also, who in spite of staying on the road are getting lost and weaving in and out of traffic, with the oncoming headlights getting brighter by the minute. Godspeed!!!
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