The dilemma in humor which is not so funny!!!

Humor, when it involves people, almost always ends up hurting, one person or the other, some way or the other. This hurt may be up to varying degrees, starting from a fleeting desire in the subject to get right back, all the way up to a seething feeling of being wronged against, that motivates the subject to keep looking for the next available opportunity to take revenge.

The person creating the humor is also exposed to two direct reactions to his/her creation:

1. First one, which is positive, which happens when the humor is well received and consists of appreciations from the audience, and sometimes from the subject itself, who truly enjoyed the act of humor and commends the creator on his/her ingenuity and wit. This is the aspect of humor which motivates the humorist to try his trick for one more time, ever more.
2. Second, which is negative, comes from the subject, who has suffered a loss of face, because of what he/she just went through and that too publicly. This is especially so because, humor creates laughter largely because of an inherent element of exaggeration in it, mostly of the subject’s apparent shortcomings, usually in the areas of intelligence, character, appearance etc., all of which are very near and dear to every human being’s heart.

Most of the time, the above two opposing reactions counterbalance each other, and the group finds itself in a better state of dynamics, than it started out with, mainly because of the explicit value created by humor. But in some cases, especially when there is too much exaggeration and that too at a really personal level or because of the specificities of the emotional make up or mood of the subject, the negative reaction can overwhelm the positive reaction and end up spoiling the group dynamics. And unfortunately, the creator of the humor will not be able to judge beforehand, how each situation will play out because of the inherent complexity of the underlying dynamics.

This gives rise to the ethical dilemma that confronts every humorist, every time something funny pops up in his head, whether it is a funny remark or a hilarious idea about a person whom he/she cares about.

Should he/she attempt to humor the group, by going ahead with his/her creativity in a public forum, at the risk of hurting sentiments and fostering negativity, in the subject and may be the group at large? Or should he/she err on the side of caution and keep his/her thoughts to himself?

In addition to this, there is also a very personal dilemma, which confronts the creator, at a really selfish level. Is there a high probability of backlash from this attempted humor, especially if it bombs, that can boomerang onto the face of the creator itself thereby making him/her loose ground as a ‘good-natured‘ group member? If so, should the creator allow this to suppress his/her motivation itself to be funny?

Now, these are really tough questions to ponder and to me, there are no easy answers.

But there is always the easy way out, of reducing one’s exposure to the downside of humor by attempting to stay anonymous. But, in spite of this being a very tempting option, it almost always ends up creating a suboptimal equilibrium in the group, one that replaces an opportunity for harmless humor and camaraderie with harmful murmur and resentment.

On the other hand, isn’t it better to err on the side of humor and ask for forgiveness, if things don’t pan out as you expected? After all, you have shown the courage and character to own up your creation and there is no better way to start building relationships, than from a failed but genuine attempt at humor.