Big MAC in Gujju land. I'm lovin it!!!

Valery Niewland & her son Ryan Immanuel

Valery Niewland is no stranger to hardships. But, hardships from a stranger? This may have been her very first time. And that too for something as silly as a project report. What can I say? Managing Across Cultures (MAC) is no walk in the park and I am glad that I could teach that to her the hard way.

I am a 34 year old middle aged guy going through a midlife crisis working on a stupid project, titled ‘Walk awhile with someone having a different worldview’, that forms part of my MAC course.

She is a 28 year old, Belgian citizen, born in the central African country of Congo, where her father, Nieuland, a man of Caucasian descent, was working as a manager in a textile factory and fell in love with Mayama, a lady of African descent.

Ours was a match made in the IIMA gym, which is no heaven, despite some strong evidence presented by angels who have been spotted working out there.

In this project I had to “identify someone who is most different from me and establish a relationship with that person so as to spend a few hours getting into that person’s world.” I couldn’t resist this opportunity and decided to barge into her world with a huge thud.

My pitch was pretty weak and involved uttering meaningless phrases like deadline, cross-cultural, worldview etc., with a generous dose of anxiety prone stammering thrown into the mix. But being a management student herself, (at the Solvary School of Business at ULB, Belguim), and more importantly on exchange at IIMA PGPII, she could identify with the kind of stiff odds that I was up against and agreed to help me out. So the date was set.

What she went through on D-day would have brought an all knowing smile to the face of Guantanamo bay prisoners undergoing torturous interrogation by FBI. The following are some of the insights I gleaned by chipping away at the block. Boring details have been restricted to the project report, already placed in my recycle bin for further reference, if required.

Valery spent the first 5 years of her life in Congo, before entering Belguim, when her father moved back home, after working for close to two decades in Africa. Her first language is French, but speaks, reads and writes two other languages - Dutch, and Swahili, in addition to English.

Her son, Ryan, is currently staying with her in IIMA. This means that in addition to being a full time student, she also has to play the dual role of a teacher, to her son, who gets his study material couriered from his school in Belgium. This offshoring idea helped me invent a new business model on-the-spot, which I am naming KPO – Kid Process Outsourcing.

As I understand it, parents all across the western world are growing increasingly fed up of their kids’ messed up processes that are jumping all over the control chart. Once they hit the ‘enough is enough’ status and realize that they badly need a break, all they will have to do from now on, is to send the kids over to us and follow it up by couriering their books every once in a while. We will educate them right here and keep them all set and ready to take up their hi-tech jobs right here, as and when those get outsourced too. This could be the next big wave of end-to-end outsourcing, the patent filing for which has already been outsourced.

Valery also talked about her experience watching the Bollywood movie, Kuch Kuch hota hai with French Sub titles and how it was a huge hit with all the members of her family, friends and relatives. She was all praises for Sharukh khan who, according to her has done a real swell of a job. After hearing this, there was some kuch kuch that was hota hai in my mind also, mostly driven by Khan Envy usually found in able bodied Indian men of all shapes and sizes.

Valery is currently specializing in Finance and wants to get into a banking career with an intention to grow into a managerial role in a year or two. Her long term ambition is to become a social entrepreneur and set up a Not-For-Profit venture, for the underprivileged children of Congo. I know this might sound like a ‘Miss-World’ speech but having met her and seen her inner beauty I left with a readiness to take this to the bank. I wish her all the very best.

And last but not the least, the ‘funniest guy of the project’ award goes to her son Ryan, who proved beyond doubt that comedy can be delivered even in as classical a language as French. He knew only French, and in my temptation to exploit the ‘economies of scale’ in the nascent project that I had set up, I asked Valery to be the interpreter and ask her son to share some of his experiences of being in India.

After some cajoling, our man, Ryan started sharing his profound wisdom and I was left clueless when she started laughing out loud, with her son still keeping a serious face. I was curious as hell and wanted to know what was going on, to which Valery, after a couple of minutes of serious laughing, responded thus. “He is complaining about the cows walking around the streets in India”.

I was dumbfounded by his abstruse analysis. Even small kids @ IIMA are turning culturally sensitive. I earnestly wanted to know more. So I continued. Why does he think so? To which the reply came prompt.

He is saying that when he sees them, he gets reminded of his favourite food back home, eaten with French fries and his mouth starts watering. Talk about cultural sensitivity and the ‘holier than cow’ attitude. Proves beyond doubt that even in the middle of a MAC attack, kids still say the darnest things and it doesn’t matter whether they are from Belgium or Belgaum. In the process, I got my message too…Dubaarah Math Poochna…