Lost graduate in dizziness management!!!

One month into my journey, I am already finding myself as a Lost Graduate in Dizziness Management. I am also clearly seeing that the famed IIMA rigor has steam rolled almost every one of us - except Roopam, who ‘can’t feel the pressure’ as per his own admission. Since the time that I have been here, there are very less things that I haven’t studied. But ironically, there are even fewer things that I have learned. Still, being the trooper that I am, I thought I will share my learnings for the benefit of my friends who all are looking at end term exams pretty soon. My learnings have been categorized under individual subject names for easy and quick reference.

Management Communication – Our management communications course taught us that communication is like sex. The analogy was taken even further, by noting that one doesn’t need any training to engage in either one of them. But in the same breath we were reminded that in order to fully enjoy both and get the results that you want, you are better off getting yourself proper training. What better way to ensconce the importance of communications training in the life of a manager. I immediately came on board.

BS (Biju Script) –On a side note, my heart goes out to all my single friends who have been dealt a rough hand, in their attempt to improve their communication skills. Also now it all makes sense why Bill Clinton used to insist that oral communication is no communication at all.

Modeling for Decisions – When you are not able to make much progress in modeling, here is a tip that is sure to work wonders - pull down the lungi and lift up the shirting. Believe me, it really works like a charm.

BS – This learning applies mainly to the Linear programming case study on optimizing the production levels of Lungis and shirting of Panchathantra Corporation, so as to maximize its profits. We are more than a month into our course but not even a single day has passed without discussing the nitty-gritty of Lungi production. As a regular user of Lungi, I can’t even begin to tell you the kind of pressure this is putting on me, as I am slowly acquiring the sub-brand of a Lungi man among my class mates.

Coming back to the lungi-shirting production improvement suggestion, I will have to tell you that once we implemented it, we could really see the company’s earnings shoot up. A lot of Malluwood models have also reported a similar surge in their earnings, using this very same approach, making this a definite one for the ages.

Financial Reporting & Analysis – When it comes to accounting, putting two and two together will no longer restrict you to just four. Instead you will be able to get, whatever it is that you want to get. Sadly, this is not applicable when you are doing accounting quizzes, where you wake up to the painful realization that numbers do start with zero and other numbers in the vicinity are much farther than they appear.

Strategic Cost Management – There is a cost that you will have to pay for accumulated self-deprecation. You will never be able to write it off fully as an expense and it will continue to haunt you as an ongoing liability. Newbie bloggers, please take note. And people with the name Ramesh, better think twice before applying to IIMA, because there is a costing case called ‘Ramesh and You’, which is so out there that you will have to hear even close friends swearing at your name, within no time.

Analysis of Data – Data can be mostly classified into three main categories: Lies, damn lies and statistics. And the last category can help you create even better sounding lies using mathematical techniques like regression, correlation, abnormal distribution, hypothesis testing etc. All in all a fun subject that will leave you with some mean tendencies to reevaluate your existence on this planet.

Assessing and Creating Customer Value – Customers rarely know what they want. So as good marketers it is our responsibility to make sure that you make them pay for their ignorance, with money that they may not have, to buy things that they will not need. And to help you do that, please feel free to feign friendliness and talk to them to get to know them better. Just watch out for oncoming cows, that is all.
http://biju-blog.blogspot.com/2007/04/marketing-survey-and-holy-cow.html

Firms and Markets – If some of your privately held assets are not showing the kind of growth that you would like them to, immediately start looking out for a limited liability partnership that can help you explore inherent economies of scale. Ok, if you think that this is a patently risky approach to enjoy the simple pleasures of life, you haven’t heard about a gentleman by the name Nash and the games that he has played, all in the name of attaining equilibrium.

Organizational Behavior – Enough said.
http://biju-blog.blogspot.com/2007/04/this-ob-is-making-me-stink.html

Designing Operations to Meet Demand – Japanese guys may never be fully satisfied with their productivity, even when they are assembling laptops at a rate faster than MS windows can boot up. That is when you as a self-righteous Indian have to step up to the plate and deliver the bad news that they have to lay off work and get a life. In operations management parlance, the technical approach for doing this consists of looking in their general direction and saying ‘Wow’. This is surprsingly effective in shocking them into embarrassment, even to the extent of causing them to quickly abandon their workstations and run for a much needed bathroom break. But your do-good satisfaction will be short lived when you get the Kaizen shock of your life on seeing some of them return with laptops that they managed to assemble on their laps, while they were just sitting there, engaged in an otherwise unproductive pursuit.

Obviously, these are all way too much learning within a short span of a month. No wonder I am getting all dizzy in a tizzy....